Longing, Leaving
by lightwavesurfer
Summary: Your kiss, your touch... it feels so desiring


_A/N : Sorry for any grammar mistakes. XD_

_Disclaimer : Final Fantasy XIII is the sole property of Square-Enix

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_If I tell you that I love you, would you believe?_

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Gran Pulse, my beloved home. I really never thought that I'd arrived at my home again. After hundreds or even thousands of years I left this place, I finally set my foot here again. Honestly, I was so glad to be back here ...

Only if I did not have to fall from the sky.

Cursed that flying monster. Because of it, the plane that we were riding destroyed. He destroyed more than half of the plane, made Hope and me skydiving to the world below . I still remember exactly how fast the wind that hit my face at that time. It felt like there are thousands of hands slapped me until I was dizzy.

I tried to hold on. I kept holding Hope's hand to prevent him from falling, but it seemed that luck was not on my side. Hope's hand slipped away and I separated from him. Hope called me with panic. As I held out my hand, I could see the flash of a black shadow that captures the boy's body.

Bahamut. Fang definitely call it to help me and Hope. What a lucky boy. He managed to land on Bahamut while I continued to fall like a rock.

I kept falling, I didn't know what would happen to me. If I die, well at least I die in my own home, right?

That's what I thought, until I felt there was someone who caught my hand. I was not given the opportunity to find out whom. What was clear, when I realized, that person ... whoever he was, had pulled me into her arms. He or she protected me from the blow that would greet me when this body landed. Just before it all happened, I saw the flash of a red cape waved gently in front of me.

If only I knew what would happen after this. If only I knew the reason why she did that. If only I knew ...

It was night. Everything was so dark, the only light that shines in ther place was just the light from the campfire. And besides the bonfire I sat, alone, and hugging my knees to warm my body. Every now and then, I rubbed my hands when the night wind blows. The voices of the living things in Gran Pulse echoed around me, signaling that the wheel of life was still spinning in this colorless world. I closed my eyes and swallowed all the sounds. People may assume that those sounds are a sign of danger, but to me ... well this is the sounds of longing. Longing about my life here, longing about the memory I have, longing about my beloved one, and longing about ...

"Haven't sleep yet?", someone appeared and interrupted my reverie. Her voice, for some reason, often appeared in my dreams lately.

I turned and saw a pink haired woman walking toward me. For a moment, I looked at her. I could see that there were some scratches in some parts of her body. They were visibly wet, maybe she just washed it off. My eyes moved down her body and saw bruises on her elbows and shin.

I did not know what she was feeling now. But I'm sure, with such injuries plus the impact from hitting the trees and finally, the ground after the free fall, she definitely was in pain. If she does not seem in pain now, it means he is a monster.

"Later. I still ... hmm, enjoy the atmosphere ", I replied with a grin.

Lightning Farron did not give an answer. She walked around the campfire and sat on the ground. In these circumstances, where there is only me here, Lightning can still maintain her manner. I really did not understand ther woman. She looked ... I do not know, different? Special?

_"Onee-san,_ you were hurt. May I treat your wounds?", I said, staring fixedly at Lightning.

"Don't bother", her answer was short. She closed her tired eyes.

_I made you hurt like this,_ I thought, looking at her wounded knee. I shifted in my seat in order to see Lightning's face clearly, "But we fell, pardon... _you _fell quite hard you know", I said cautiously, looking at the soldier's face.

"If you did not separated from Hope, I'm certainly not going to be like this, right?", asked Lightning without opening her eyes.

Good point. What she said was correct. If only my grip to Hope did not slip, she would not in her current state like this. And obviously that I and she would not be separate from the group like this.

I dropped my face. Suddenly I was overwhelmed with guilt, "Sorry ..."

"Never mind", answered Lightning softly.

I lifted my face and stared back Lightning's face once again. At the sight of her face, I'm sure that my heart was always trot faster. Since when did I feel this? I have no idea. All I know was, every time I saw her face, every time I heard her voice, every time I saw the movement of her body ... this heart of mine always felt this painful ripple.

Me and Lightning meet from the beginning of all this chaos. I rarely spoke to her but for some reason, I always found myself stealing a chance to look at her. Everything about her is like magic. Her voice, although she was not talking to me, always made my ears twitched. Her body movements always made my eyes wide open with admiration. And the look in her eyes, when she gave me her sharp gaze ...

Ugh since when did I admire her like this? Since when did she could make me feel this? My partner is Fang. She is the person who is always there for me as long as I live in ther world. I have enjoyed the sweet and bitter of the world together with Fang, she's like my soul mate.

And Lightning ... I could call her as a stranger. She did not have any idea about what happened to me.

But this feeling… my silent longing for her. It was sickening.

"I thought you were sleeping, but it seems not", I divert my eyes to Lightning. She opened her eyes and again I felt an electric shock flowing in my body when those blue eyes stared at me.

I'm trying to rid the feelings from my body. Slowly I looked back to the fire that danced before me, "Well…"

"Something on your mind?"

Lightning Farron asked me a question? And she asked me about what I think! It's really a surprise! Will the sky fall upon us tonight? I did not mean to be sarcastic, but I'm really surprised by ther.

"E-eh? Nothing ", I replied quickly, shaking my head.

Lightning did not answer but her eyes narrowed dangerously when she heard what I said. Obviously, she did not believe what I said. I cleared my throat softly to dispel the nervousness. Together with Lightning made me feel uncomfortable. It made me behave so strangely…

_"Onee-san_ ... may I treat your wound?" I asked again to divert the attention. My voice sounded shrilled and more childish than usual.

_Very smooth, Vanille._ _Very smooth._

"You've said it twice. Do I need to give the same answer? ", asked Lightning with a bored tone.

I waved my hand. I became more nervous now, _"Onee-san,_ you're hurt. Let me treat you! ", I said quickly. I almost shouted now. The look she had given me only made my heart beat faster.

_At least ... at least let me heal you..._

My goodness, my chest hurts. What I feel now, this throbbing rumble in my chest really made me squirm in pain. My body was sweating, shaking. It was not that because of cold, but because she was looking at me. _Staring_ at me with a pair of endless blue eyes of hers. I feel so disgusted to have this feeling. I have this kind of feeling for an honorable woman like Lightning. She is so brave, she is willing to experience all ther chaos in order to save her sister ...

"Vanille, come here".

I lifted my head and stared at her. She told me to come, right? That means, she wanted me to treat her? Lightning did not give me an answer, she just staring at me. I could not read what was on her mind. Campfire light that danced in those blue eyes made her looked mysterious.

I had no other choice. I lifted my body and walked toward her. Slowly, I sat down beside her, my hand was clutching the roll of bandages. And slowly… _very slowly,_ the tip of my index finger touched the Lightning's knee. When I touched that delicate skin, I almost forgot that my goal was to treat her wounds.

My heart was beating faster. My hand was difficult to move. Oh, let alone move, I couldn't breathe properly for Heaven's sake. I swallowed hard and do my best to calm myself. By the Gods, there is something about this woman, I'm sure of it. If not, how could she get me a cold feet like this?

I concentrated to the wounds in front of me. I really tried, but ...

Lightning was looking at me. She was staring at me with those beautiful eyes. I could not see it, but I could feel it. Her gaze is like a sword that pierced my body, make me bleed from inside. I started to have a difficulty in breathing, the convulsion in my body became harder and harder.

I began to wrap Lightning's knee. The trembling in my hand became more visible even though I've tried to restrain it. I'm sure that Lightning saw it because all of a sudden, she was holding my hand ...

"Vanille"

I gasped in shock. The roll of bandages I was holding almost fell from my hand. _Almost._

"You think about something?", Lightning asked me. Her voice sounded calm and resolute as ever.

I shook my head. My breath was starting to cut off, "No ...", my voice was nothing more than a whisper.

There was a pause, "Liar," she said. Her hand was still holding mine.

I shook my head and made my hair swaying. It's hard to lie when your body language indicates otherwise. I know that the Lightning did not believe me. She still kept looking at me, made me more and more difficult to resist the roar in my chest.

"Why are you shaking?", Lightning asked again with the same tone.

I gathered the courage to turn around. And then I immediately greeted by a pair of blue eyes that staring at me. Those eyes shone vividly, far brighter than anything here. For a moment, I feel like drowning in a vortex within those eyes. I was bound, I could not escape. She kept pulling me. Deeper… deeper… to nowhere... to my hell...

"I ..."

Lightning chuckled when she heard my voice, "More reason?", she asked.

For God's sake, Lightning! Please do not look at me like that ...

And finally, she let go of my hand and a moment later, she was already holding my cheek. I gasped sharply when she touched my cheek. Lightning's fingertips gently caressing my cheek, sending a million of vibrations throughout my body. I could only stare silently and made myself more immersed in her eyes.

"Vanille, what are you thinking?", Lightning re-asked.

"... You", without being able to help it, I took that answer.

She asked again, "Me? Why are you thinking about me when I'm here with you? "

I continue to answer the question like a possessed man… or girl in my case, "Because I'm ... fascinated by you?"

Lightning continued to rub her fingertips on my cheek. I was caught up on her touch, I began to want more physical contact from her. I want more...

"Your body is increasingly shaky, Vanille", whispered Lightning. How strange ... why her face seemed more closer to mine?

"I do not know ..."

Her blue eyes are in front of me now. With this position, when she's being _too_ close like now, I can see how thick her eyelashes are. The long bangs that covering one eye, making her looked more mystical and fascinating. I could not move, she kept moving closer to me ...

_"Onee-san ...",_ I said with a hoarse voice. I could feel Lightning breath tickling my neck.

Her hand gripped my cheeks, and before I could ask what happened, Lightning crushed her lips to mine. Se kissed me ferociously, hungrily, eagerly but still able to maintain gentleness there. She did not give me the opportunity to speak. She continued to shut my mouth with her lips, she continued to give me her touch. Lightning bit my lower lip, slowly and so sensual that I could not help but moan. She wanted to enter, she wanted to feel myself fully and I'm sure that she would not accept any rejection from me.

I let her have it. I let myself being eaten by Lightning. She held my cheek and brought me closer to her. Her kiss was so deep, so passionate until I felt dizzy. All I could do was issuing a whimper. Lightning made me forget everything. She is polluting my mind with her presence. I forgot where I was. I forgot my reason to approach her on the first place. My lungs felt on fire, I forgot to breathe. I forget who I am, what's my name ...

All that I know was like crashing into the darkness. And this woman, Lightning ... It was her who made me feel like this.

From a distance, I heard voices. One of the voice was calling my name ...

I did not hear it. I was being deaf. My ears were closed off from anything or anyone who called me out there. What is on my mind now is this woman ...

This woman… who was kissing me with passion.

The voices were getting closer as the kiss became more feverish. And to be honest, I did not bother with this. I did not care if they could see me. I do not care about what they would think when they saw me like this. I did not care, I've sunk so far ...

Drowning too far ...

Lightning gave me a bite on my lower lip. I took out a low moan and open my mouth, hoping for her to give me more. My cut off breath continues to flow from my mouth open. I was swayed by her touch, I'm still hungry for her. Slowly, I open my eyelids and saw that Lightning has moved away from me. Her blue eyes were staring at me, but it was weird ...

Her gaze changed. I could see it. She was no longer looked at me like before. She looked at me with coldly, she no longer gave me her smile.

Without saying anything, Lightning stood up from her position and left me. He walked a little far way and give her back. And I ... I just keep quiet. Silently, staring at her with my heart that is still thumping loudly. My eyes were wide open, my body felt stiff. What happened just now! Why did she kiss me?

And why did I _enjoy it?_

Without realizing it, I kept looking at Lightning. Staring at the woman who just made my world turns upside down in just a few minutes. I wanted to talk; I wanted to ask her but my tongue felt numb. I could have shouted to attract her attention. She was close to me but somehow, I felt the distance between me and her so far away ...

_"Onee-san_ ..."

"Vanille!", all of a sudden I felt my body lifted and hugged by someone. It took several seconds for me to realize that Fang was hugging me.

I glanced at Fang who was still holding me. I wanted to break away from Fang ...

But that wish is only a wish. I did not budge and let Fang continued to hug me. I could hear that she was worried but that's not the problem now. The problem is her ...

Lightning was with Snow, Hope and Sazh now. Those people were also asking the same thing to Lightning. She responded flatly as if nothing serious happened. Her attitude still looks elegant ... almost close to cocky.

If Lightning assumed that nothing happened between us ... let her be accursed.

I kept staring at Lightning. I wanted to jump and hit the woman, but I realized that I could not do it. Lightning is much faster, much stronger ...

That's why she could kiss me.

And I ...

She turned her head; those blue eyes were looking at me once more.

I fell right into her trap.


End file.
